He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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