Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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