FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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