they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
