oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
