I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just high enough for therapy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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