I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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