1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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