I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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