We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Found your dick twin last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
