You're completely useless in the revolution.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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