My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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