Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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