Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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