all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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