Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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