i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
