my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
