four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
