just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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