I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
