my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
