I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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