I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
