apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
