And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
