talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
