I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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