oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
