they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
