Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
