So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
