I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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