Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What a dumb baby whore.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
