Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
