And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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