Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
