I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
