Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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