Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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