apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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