Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wish you could order shots online.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
