why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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