Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
