All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
