He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
