Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize