I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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