just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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