I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
