no, he came in my armpit
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Drunk is not a location!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
