I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
