our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
