I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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