I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize