My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
