This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
