also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
