Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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