My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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