Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
