don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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