ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
