Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
