I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Will exercising make me less horny?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
