hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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