Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
be right there i have to get my cape
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
