ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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