You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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