Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
