I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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