my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
