Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
