Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
