Already got asked if we're dating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
