it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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