one might say we're banned from that church
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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