U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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