there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize