I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
