taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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