also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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