You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
