dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize