Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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