I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
