the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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