I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
