Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
