I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
