just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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