I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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