I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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