OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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