i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
