i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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