so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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