come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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