You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
