Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
