Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
